I don’t fall for gimmicks most days. Actually, I’m not one to jump on any bandwagon because the hype tends to kill the initial uniqueness. Like when everyone was going crazy about Orange is the New Black, I just couldn’t sip on the Kool-Aid. Not because the cast or premise is overrated, but it’s hard to trust the mass public. Many people just go for what they are told rather than thinking for themselves. While everyone tunes into Scandal every Thursday, I’m left watching reruns of Daria on HULU. So when a friend mentioned going to Black Tap for its over the top, $15 milkshakes, I was hesitant but immediately said yes. I mean, who says no to a milkshake?!

It happened a few weekends back. We decided to meet up at 2PM at their Soho location. When I arrived there was a line on the corner of Broome and Sullivan, but as it wasn’t next to the restaurant I just assumed it was for something else. So, you know, I just strolled on over to B. Tap where a gaggle of customers clustered around their stoop, before noticing the sign reading: LINE BEGINS ON BROOME AND SULLIVAN.

Wait, that long ass line is for Black Tap?! I thought to myself as I dragged my feet to get a spot. Like, I get it, lines are a thing in society that aid in order maintenance, but sometimes I just don’t like waiting in them. Anyway, as I get to the line, I see my friend, who for some reason I completely miss when I was walking down Sullivan initially, waiting in said crazy, long ass line. [Let me tell you a bit about this friend for background information. She’s chill. Like I’m not even sure what bothers her or how long it takes to provoke her. The only time I’ve seen her annoyed, or even somewhat angry is on a SnapChat rant she did about her busted dentist. I can’t remember the entire story, but he and his staff are mad whack. She travelled through two boroughs of New York for her scheduled appointments, MULTIPLE times in a span of what seemed to be two, maybe three, weeks. To then arrive at said scheduled appointments and they tell her some nonsense like, “Sorry, didn’t you get our message. We have to reschedule.” Ummm… how? I am not that chill. Honestly, if you ever described me as “chill” to any of my friends or family, they’d laughed in your face and call you a liar.] I joined her and assumed we’d be inside in no time. Well, two hours later, we were still waiting in line.

Ok, many of you are thinking, “Nope couldn’t be me!” And in a normal Tillie-day, it wouldn’t be me either. Trust. Me and waiting don’t mix. Add in 90 degree weather and you’re begging for a temper tantrum. Truly. Something happens to humans when you mix standing, waiting, and heat together. We lose our minds. I swear I went from lucid, to thinking everyone was trying to steal our spots, even though a young woman was keeping track of the line’s order. [Actually, there were a few who tried to cut and I chirped real quick! Haha… chirp, chirp!]

We reach the front of the line and the waitress (she was the one keeping the line in check) tells us to move over to line 2.0. Yeah, that’s right… there’s another line! This second line signifies you are in the homestretch. Within moments you’ll be inside a cool venue, scarfing down a 10,000-calorie milkshake. [I don’t know if these are the exact kCal…they’re not… but it’s not about exactness. Just let me relive my moment. Kay. Thanks.] Again, we were wrong. We were in line for another half hour, totaling two and a half hours, waiting. But we weren’t the only ones. Since the second line is against a brick wall, it’s amassed hundreds of quotes, signatures, and social media handles from people who stood exactly where we had. It’s like those bathroom stalls with scribbles all over reading, “Susie Q was here,” or “For a good time, call Jennie Anne at…” Though you may be there for a little tinkle or vomiting from too many Four Loko’s, you can’t help but read the wall and giggle; maybe even add your own insignia to it. Which we didn’t because all we wanted were those milkshakes!

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aforementioned wall

AND WE FINALLY GOT THEM… after waiting another 20 or so minutes from the time of placing our order (I ordered The Cookie shake, while my friend chose Sweet N’ Salty) for a nearly three-hour wait, more was expected. The chocolate chip cookies surrounding the shake were hard; plus there was lots of whipped cream, and icing. Millions of people would enjoy this shake but as I don’t like chocolate, hard cookies, or whipped cream, it wound up being solely for the experience. An experience, which when broken down, actually meant a little over four hours spent catching up with a friend who was bidding adieu to The Big Apple for Big Ben was more than worth it. So, yeah!

Pip pip, cheerio!

Tillie

P.S. For those of you who are stuck on me not watching OITNB or Scandal, maybe you’ll find solace in How to Get Away with Murder being my jam, and Matt McGorry being my boo. :: does Bankhead Bounce:: Yaaaassss!

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le milkshake