Like not so many of the world around us, I’m not a fan of the Kardashians. I mean there was a point when I was in college where I watched their show(s), and another point where I was mad jealous they had the most perfect skin and eye lashes long enough to corn row, and yet another point where Khloe was so much “my girl!” that a friend photoshopped an image depicting me as Khloe; but one day something changed.
The day it happened was the day I gave up on reality television. By gave up I don’t mean not have any hope for it [because there never was any], but gave up in the sense I had to separate that the world I want to live in isn’t being helped by it. It’s like that trifling ass bum bitch you spent way too much time on. You know, being concerned for their health, wellbeing, basically their livelihood, but they were only concerned for themselves. And because they knew you could only ignore them for a couple of days, they didn’t bother begging for you to pay them any mind, so you wind up sending them a, “Sorry can’t make it out with the girls tonight, but do you want to do brunch this weekend?” seconds later followed up with, “Oops, that wasn’t meant for you,” text – just so they think you’re busy. [We’ve all done it. Don’t pretend like your exempt from being mad extra one point in your life or another.] That bum ass bitch has brought nothing of value to your life, so you just cut them out cold turkey. Because reality television, in my opinion, is nothing but crap eating away at the brain – I had to cut him out too.
Now, I’m not picking on the Kardashian’s alone. The entire “Real Housewives, I need a lover in six weeks or less, insane body strength extreme, third ex-wife of a one-time winning cricket player, toddler parents, beauty queen dreams, you’re a trained chef but couldn’t complete a dish with cow manure and pig hooves” franchise has risen to a level of no way back. The Kardashian’s being the most popular have shown the world you can be baby-voiced, artificial, culture appropriating, and have no real talent, yet make millions nearly billions doing it. And that alone is enticing to the world we live in. Much of society isn’t privileged, have no motivation to work decades in a job that may never provide them all the luxuries thrown in their face on a daily basis, but still aspire to that level.
Feeling this way and having shared these ideals with a very intimate grouping of friends, I never believed I’d be somehow dragged back in to a surreal place I once turned to during my couch surfing days.
Than out of the blue came Madame Blac Chyna, the ex of Kylie Jenner’s on and off and on and off man friend [with whom she mothered a child], and a former Kardashian galpal. She sucked me back into the demonic world of “reality”. She made me read every Kardashian/Jenner/Chyna meme and watch every KUWTK 30 second clip in the Instagram-sphere. I even follow Nori’s Black Book on Instagram because the shade thrown cracks me up more than any sane person should disclose. But the bigger picture is this. Blac did what the Kardashians seemingly couldn’t do – brought the ostracized Kardashian out in public, helped him lose weight, gave him the confidence we thought had been long lost. Months later she not only got the ring, but will soon produce the only K-baby to date.
At first it seemed like I was secretly suffering alone with my new, very much so controlled [because I really can quit anytime!], reality addiction. Who was Black Chyna? What was it about her that could bring me out of this no-more-reality diet temporarily? Until all of a sudden a friend of mine posted this story from Flavorwire entitled “The Blac Chyna/Kardashian Saga, Told as a Game of Thrones Plotline”. I’ve never seen Game of Thrones so none of the analogies, if any, mean much to me. But if this read like a short summary of the show’s storyline, then I’ve truly been missing out.
You have to read this complete chronicle on your own to figure out how author Sesali B. retells this age old legend, but to give you a little taste here is an excerpt:
“The alliance among Chyna and House Rose was strengthened by their common foe. Lady Amber was formerly promised to Lord Kanye ‘Yeezy’ West, one of the most revered rap knights in all the realm. Years earlier, Lady Kim enacted a similar betrayal when she married Lord Yeezy, who is also the longstanding hand of King Jay-Z. Lady Kim had spent years unsuccessfully attempting to join the good graces of Queen Bey, whom everyone knew wielded the most power over the land.”
Now if the imagery of Kanye West, Amber Rose, Blac Chyna, Jay-Z, Beyone, and Kim Kardashian dressed in medieval regal ware in a kingdom with wenches draped in empire waistlined frocks with overflowing breasts and swains running around in tattered cloaks doing the dirty work of nobles in the darkest of nights isn’t enough than hopefully this photo I took of summer solstice 2016 can set a more detailed scene; a beautiful amber red moon glistening atop loud, crashing waves. Surreal, no?
Until another picturesque moment,